Chapter 9: Questions

There are many questions that people might or might not want answering. This chapter is an attempt to answer some of those questions.

Q Is there a dress-code?

A There are two answers to that. One is no, there is not a dress code. You can wear whatever you want - even if that is a full white wedding dress with veil, or a squirrel kigu. You are our friends, which is why we invited you, and we love you just as you are. If you are worried that you won't fit in with everyone else, then as a guide Andrew and the male members of the wedding party will be wearing morning suits. Alice is planning on wearing a formal dress and her mother is probably going to be in a hat. Based on this men may wish to consider lounge suits, or morning suits if they wish, and the equivalent for women. Hats and fascinators are fun if you are that way inclined, but entirely optional. From a practical perspective, if you are wearing high heels you might what to slip a pair of pumps in your bag for walking to the Cathedral and then to the Reception. One final word of advice: a furry kigu would probably be a bit hot and sweaty in August.

Q Do I have to cover up in the Cathedral?

A We know some people get offended by skimpy, tight-fitting or even informal clothing in places of worship. It doesn't bother us and we doubt it will bother the officiant, but if you are worried that what you are wearing might upset someone else then sling a pashmina, cardigan or jacket on and get on with enjoying the day.

Q Are there any colours I should wear/not wear?

A I have heard the latest "thing" is to specify what colours people should or should not wear. Wear whatever colour you like, including white. We personally don't think puce looks good on anyone, but then what do we know?

Q Will there be a going-away?

A No. We have not yet planned a honeymoon, and will probably have a holiday somewhere a little later in the year. We want to stay and enjoy spending time with our guests.

Q What else is happening that weekend?

A Andrew and Alice have Wednesday to Friday off work and will probably be crazily busy organising All The Things, but if you want to help, awesome. We will probably organise a cheap and casual dinner somewhere on the Friday night (San Marcos?) a bit nearer the time, as who wants to cook on the night before their own wedding? It won't be a late one! On the Sunday morning Alice and Andrew will be going to a service at the Cathedral. If you want to come along, let us know. We will probably also grab brunch/lunch in New Spoons or The Bridge or similar. Again, let us know nearer the time if you are interested.

Q I'm thinking of making a long weekend of it in Durham. What touristy sort of things are there to do?

A Congratulations! Drop us a line and we'll give you some ideas.

Q I have never danced at a ceilidh. What is it?

A It's country dancing. It's amazing fun and there is a guy at the front who shouts out the instructions so anyone can join in.

Q Do I have to pay for my own drinks?

A There will be a drink on arrival and some drinks with the meal. After that it will be a pay bar, but prices are reasonable. You will need cash. There is no cash machine on site so bring some with you.

Q May I bring my dog?

A No. Not even if you are my mother.

Q May I bring my cat?

A I hear she's busy; she's washing her fur that weekend.

Q May I bring my child?

A Yes, and I'm sorry if that was not clear on the invitation. It would be helpful if you could remind us of their age.

Q May I smoke?

A No.

Q What happens if it rains?

A We all keep a stiff upper lip and get on with it because we are British and it's good for the gardens anyway. In all seriousness, much of the day is scheduled to take place inside or on a terrace. We have a supply of poundland umbrellas in case of random downpours.

Q May I take photographs?

A Not in the cathedral before, during or after the service. You can take photographs outside the cathedral or at any other point in the day. Our friend Jenny has kindly agreed to take photographs as our official photographer. She said she will be happy for us to share the pictures. Please make sure you credit her and mention how awesome she is.

Q May I put pictures on facebook/other social media/the internet?

A Please don't share any pictures on social media or online without checking with us first. Particularly, please don't tag people or label them. We have a few friends with sensitive jobs for whom this might cause some problems or who do not like having their photograph shared online. It'll most likely be fine to put them online, but please do check first - thanks for your understanding.

Q What is the service in the Cathedral?

A The service we're having will technically be a Blessing of Marriage; the legal bit is (for various reasons) taking place a few days before, with two witnesses. The bit in the Cathedral with all of you is - as far as we're concerned - the important bit. You probably won't notice any difference; the only bit that's missing is the signing of the register.

Q Can I park outside the Cathedral?

A Sorry, but no - see the advice on parking. We are aware of guests with mobility issues and will contact them with special arrangements. Let us know if you break your leg the week before the wedding. If it makes you feel any better we are planning on parking at Durham School and walking to the service too.

Q You know the Church of England doesn't allow gay marriage or women bishops?

A Yes, that bugs us too and almost every member of the clergy we know. We're working on it.

Q What will we be eating? I have special dietary requirements/allergies.

A Send us an email so we have this written down and we will make arrangements.

Q May I bring a date?

A Only if we have invited them by name on your invitation. If we have failed to invite your long-term other half, drop us a line and we'll see if we can make room. Our budget would only stretch so far and when we were compiling the guest list we had to draw a line somewhere. However, we know that not everyone we invite will be able to come and so there might be room. Also, we might just have been completely rubbish and missed them off because we forgot.

Q What will your names be after the wedding?

A Alice and Andrew Ambrose-Thurman

Q Is that the way round you'd expect?

A Yes.

Q And how does Andrew feel about that?

A He thinks it'll take him a while to get used to being called Alice.

Q When do I get my invitation?

A The email you got was your invitation. We did the maths for some very basic invitations and postage and decided it would be more fun to invite 3 or 4 more friends to share the day. We figured that most people would RSVP by email, text or PM anyway, so we might as well invite people that way.

Q Will there be chair covers?

A Only over our dead bodies.